The Electric Chair

Heres the true story of the origin of Valentines Day.

Nothwithstanding what nonsense you've been told about a priest, the truth is that valentines day originated in India, and to top it in BIHAR!!

Interested? Read further.

Well, it is well known what the people in Bihar are like, especially the menfolk. It is a known fact that they didnt treat the opposite sex with the respect some of the firebrand members of the opposite sex thought they deserved. One brave lady, (her name is thankfully lost in oblivion) one fine day (certainly not for her husband) had enuf of atyachars perpetrated on her and rebelled by beating her husband up with a belan...Yeah the same belan with which she made chappatis for him everyday, only this time, instead of the dough, it was the husband who was flattened like a chappati, albeit an oblong one. This was a momentous occasion for all the women in Bihar and a revolt soon spread with several housewives beating up their husbands with belans and there was an outburst of moaning chappatis all over Patna. This was a long time, around 400 years ago.

The menfolk learnt their lesson and behaved a bit better with their partners. However, there was no putting down the burgeoning feminist spirit of the times, and each year that day the womenfolk, if only gingerly and lovingly, as a token gesture beat up their husbands to commemorate that eventful day, which had contributed substantially to better their lot. The menfolk also submitted to this, in good humour, since they didnt really get beaten up anyways. The entire ritual soon became a caring and loving affair, with wives having the satisfaction of beating up their husbands, their husbands cringing in mock fear and pain, and the guys having the supreme joy of submitting to the whims of the women they loved. This ritual was more often than not followed by another well known one in bed, the details of which are out of scope of this mail.

This custom continued for many years, even when the British occupied India. As Bihar fell more and more under the influence of western culture and language, some of the more fashionable and educated women, sometimes wearing leather boots and clothes (this even created a fad for leather belans for a short time, but it soon passed, as they could not use them to make chappatis) on that day appeared with a belan in hand, and called out to their husbands "Belan time"! before starting off.

This was noticed by the British, and they were quite amused and endeared by the peculiar ritual. They also saw it for what it really was, i.e. a manifestation of love, not of hate. The ritual soon spread to Britan and many other countries, especially the catch words "belan time!" Of course in their foreign mouths it was bastardised to velan time and then to velantine. And from that day onwards, 14th of february, since it was indeed that day that 400 years ago an irate Bihari housewife nearly commited man-slaughter, came to be known as Valentine's Day. The custom of hitting with Belans died a natural death, but 14th of Feb still stands as a symbol of undying and universal love.

HAPPY BELANTIME'S DAY TO ALL OF YOU!!

# posted by A Chrysanthemum by any other name... : 9:35 AM